New episodes of "The Fairly Oddparents" have aired recently. I've decided to try my hand at writing one (I mean, it can't be that hard, can it?):

FADE IN.

EXT. THE TURNER HOME

Just a regular suburban house in a dull as dishwater neighborhood. Music that’s almost as bland as the coloring of the shot plays in the background.

INT. KITCHEN

Timmy sits at the table. His bright blue eyes let the audience know that he has hopes and dreams for his future. Oh, if he only knew…

MOM
Timmy, I know that you’re looking for support
and care from the both of us.

TIMMY
Oh, every day th--

DAD
Unfortunately, we weren’t written that well.

The two of them laugh. Like knives in a garbage disposal, it cuts deep.

DAD
To be honest, we couldn’t care less about
having a kid. It should’ve been obvious from the
way we treat you, but it just wasn’t sinking in.

MOM
Oh, it feels so good to get this out in the open.

They laugh again. Tears well up in Timmy’s eyes.

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM

Timmy storms in.

TIMMY
I can’t believe it. Mom and Dad just told me
they didn’t want to have me. And they said
something about not being written that well,
whatever that means.

Two fairies - COSMO and WANDA - appear out of smoke. Trailing behind is another, smaller fairy.

COSMO
(in a voice so high that dogs in
Polynesia are going into epileptic fits)
Just because your parents said that they didn’t
want to have you doesn’t mean they love you.

TIMMY
Don’t you mean, ‘doesn’t mean they don’t
love you’?

COSMO
No.

BABY (?!)
Poof!

WANDA
Timmy, I’m sure that your parents love you
and respect you very much.

As Wanda speaks, a soccer ball with eyes and purple jammies floats around doing nothing, like a wad of toilet paper in a fresh bowl. Let’s call it POOF, named, of course, for the sound of the writers’ talent suddenly disappearing.

Timmy’s gaze is drawn to this non-entity. He grasps the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

TIMMY
I’m sorry, but why is there a baby here?

Wanda floats over and cradles the baby in her arms protectively.

WANDA
This is our pride and joy. Someone to feed and
change and talk gibberish.

Timmy groans. We all know what’s coming.

TIMMY
Just like Cosmo?

Wanda looks over to her husband, who is gibbering and pointing a spoonful of food at his face. He misses his mouth each time.

WANDA
(exasperated)
Yes. Just like Cosmo.

She groans and a ‘God, please kill me’ expression fills her face, one shared by the right-thinking members of the audience.

TIMMY
If only there was a way to get respect.

COSMO
(making Tiny Tim sound like Lee
Marvin)
Right. The only way you could do that is if you
tricked people into it.

Timmy gets a ‘eureka’ look on his face.

TIMMY
That’s it! I could wish for people to respect me.

WANDA
Or you could naturally develop a personality
that would command respect from people.

Timmy stares at Wanda. Did she just grow a second head?

TIMMY
(more insistent)
Or I could wish for people to respect me.

Wanda holds up the googly-eyed dodge ball.

WANDA
If you want to wish, then let Poof grant it.

TIMMY
But Poof’s a baby. Are you sure that powerful
magic should be entrusted to a baby?

WANDA
It’s entrusted to Cosmo, isn’t it?

TIMMY
That doesn’t instill me with confidence.

WANDA
Come on, Timmy. Give him a chance. He’s
just a baby.

TIMMY
But that’s just it. He’s just a baby. Why is he
even here? I heard that sometimes, couples
have babies to justify staying together in what
is clearly a loveless and empty marriage.

Wanda bites her lip. The little pisher may be right. She turns to her husband.

WANDA
Cosmo, back me up on this.

His wand sticks out of his ear.

COSMO
(in flagrante castrato)
He’s right, Wanda. Magic isn’t meant for the
hands of babies. By the way, have you seen my
wand?

Wanda grimaces, then turns back to Timmy, fake smiles and all.

WANDA
I just know that Poof will be able to handle it.

POOF
Poof!

TIMMY
Are you saying this because you know or
because you’re so blinded by your love for
this baby, you can’t think clearly?

WANDA
(ignoring him)
Okay, I’ll grant your wish, but you need to
learn to trust me. Now close your eyes.

TIMMY
Why?

WANDA
This wish takes a lot of magic. I wouldn’t
want you to get blinded.

Timmy obliges.

TIMMY
Okay. I wish that people would respect me.

Wanda raises Poof, who points his wand at the boy. This…may hurt.

A bright glow engulfs Timmy. After a few seconds, the glow disappears.

TIMMY
Wow. I feel great. Thanks.

He walks out the door.

COSMO
(now, where are those Piano Wire
brand Q-tips?)
Timmy sure has a spring in his step. He must
feel a lot better about having parents that
don’t love him.

EXT. DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY - LATER

Timmy strides confidently through the schoolyard. He bumps into a gray cinderblock of a kid; one who should’ve been forcibly removed from grade school long ago, but what can you do? His name is FRANCIS (Irony!).

FRANCIS
Greetings, Turner.

TIMMY
Francis.

Timmy walks by. Francis picks him up by the front of his shirt.

FRANCIS
Do you know what today is?

TIMMY
The day you start respecting me?

FRANCIS
Wrong.

He drops Timmy to the ground.

FRANCIS
Today’s the day you get a free trip to the
hospital.

Timmy cocked his head.

TIMMY
What?

POW! POW!

INT. DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY - LATER

Timmy walks down the hall. Unfortunately, both of his eyes are black.

TIMMY
What happened? I wished to be respected.

Timmy sees a dark-haired girl standing by a locker, putting a book inside. Her name is TRIXIE, and, even with her family’s great wealth, she attends a public school?! I call bullshit on that! (Oh, did you find that profanity offensive? Then you know how I feel about the new episodes.) He strides up to her.

TIMMY
Hey, there, Trixie.

TRIXIE
Do I know you?

He closes his eyes.

TIMMY
Sure. I’m Timmy Turner.

He starts to count points off on his fingers.

TIMMY
We have classes together. We ride the bus,
and I know that…

His eyes open. It’s dark where Timmy is.

INT. HALLWAY

At a row of lockers, there is a banging noise that rattles one of the doors. The door falls off of its hinges. Timmy falls out.

INT. CLASSROOM - LATER

Sitting at the desk in front of the class is a spindly, pale man. This is MR. CROCKER.

The door to the classroom opens. Timmy stumbles in.

CROCKER
Well, Turner. It looks like you’re late. This is
clearly the work of--

He bounds from his desk and launches into a series of spastic fit--er, um, wild takes.

CROCKER
FAIRY GODPARENTS!

TIMMY
Why are you always on my case about this?

Crocker leaps to his seat and sits as if nothing happened.

CROCKER
It’s all part of a new book I’m writing.

He pulls out a book the size of an encyclopedia volume (one of the vowels…and those suckers are heavy). The cover reads ‘A Million Ways to Hit the Same Damn Note!’

TIMMY
(reading)
‘A Million Ways to Hit the Same D--”

Crocker snatches the book away.

CROCKER
Watch it, Turner! You go around saying that
word, I could lose my teaching license.

TIMMY
(under his breath)
As opposed to the billion other things you’ve
done that could get it taken away.

CROCKER
And now, because I can, I’m assigning a pop
quiz…which you all fail!

TIMMY
How can we fail a test we haven’t even
taken?

Crocker buffs his nails on his shirt.

CROCKER
Welcome to public school.

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - LATER

Wanda wipes sweat from her brow. She appears to be wrapping a package.

Timmy walks in.

WANDA
Timmy. How was school, honey?

TIMMY
Horrible. No one respected me.

WANDA
I don’t know how that could be.

Timmy’s eyes narrow.

TIMMY
Did Poof grant the wish?

WANDA
You leave him alone!

Timmy glances over to the fishbowl, where a purple-eyed fish stares out at him. He cocks his head in mild confusion.

COSMO
(Could someone please get Daran Norris’
junk out of that vise grip? I’m serious!)
Timmy, you’re home!

He flies from in front of Wanda. He’s wearing a diaper. A diaper! Are you laughing yet?!

TIMMY
(can’t help but stare)
I have a headache.

Cosmo raises his wand. Shame on you if you can’t see what’s coming.

COSMO
I know how to fix that!

An anvil appears over Timmy. It crushes him.

WANDA
Cosmo, did you confuse an anvil with an
icepack again?

COSMO
Confused?

Poof appears in front of his parents, who hug him.

POOF
Poof!

THE END

Now that I've written an new episode of this show, maybe people will get off my back about not liking them.